Relationships | Back To Brilliance Personal Growth

Letting Go of Judgments

Written by Lynne & Vivian on May 10, 2010 – 7:00 am -

Have you noticed that communities come in many forms? A community could be as simple as going to a baseball game and rooting for the Twins instead of the Red Sox. We feel an immediate sense of shared purpose and get caught up in the emotional ups (or downs) of our team.

A community might involve coaching Little League or soccer, or supporting the kids at a game, with your presence or by selling raffle tickets or baking cakes for a fund raiser. We actually get to know the people in this small community and feel a personal sense of belonging over the season.

What about our family community? Do you have one of “those” families where everyone is spreading the latest gossip; or do you have one of those “other” families that work to support everyone through their latest hardships or greatest accomplishments? Either type of family community allows us to really get to know each other, like it or not.

Most community members have a habit of making judgments about others, those we know well and those we don’t really know at all. It may be that we have a set of categories that people fall into. Or we see certain characteristics in others that are different from us and so we create stories about them. Some may be “big” talkers so we identify them as pushy. Others may dress down and we assume they lack manners and social savvy.

Whenever we find ourselves having such thoughts we need to remember that our judgments speak more about us than about others. It is our perception of the world, of how things should be, that separate us from others. When we do this we miss out on all of the gifts those “others” are bringing to us. When we cannot accept others, it is a reflection of something in ourselves, something that we are not accepting, something we fear or perhaps doubt about our adequacy.

In reality, judgments are simply opportunities for us to grow. When we are making judgments there is a “distress” within that we often project onto those we judged. We can use these feelings to recognize that we have slipped into a judgmental habit. This recognition can give us pause to let go of our limiting beliefs and ideas that separate us from those around us. The easiest way to stop judging others is to stop judging ourselves. We can do this when we learn to see the natural Brilliance in ourselves, and in others.

In today’s world, it will take all of us to make it a better place, to right the wrongs, and to bring more love and healing to its problems and injustice. The more we’re able to drop our judgments, the closer we are to building a community that can thrive and bring out the best in all. In these communities we will begin to see others through new eyes and appreciate them, and ourselves, in the process. Letting go of negative judgments allows us to build positive and sustaining communities.

Tags: community, family, judgments, Natural Brilliance
Posted in Brilliance, Relationships | Comments

Brilliance, Your Gift to Life

Written by Lynne & Vivian on December 15, 2009 – 8:00 am -

Brilliance illuminates our true talents, strengths and abilities. As we clear the old patterns of thinking and belief systems that create our stress, we see who we truly are. We no longer allow our life energy to be absorbed by multiple external conditions. Instead we direct our life force into all that lights us up and gives us joy. We are able to be true to ourselves, do what we love, and live truly happy lives.

Life is experienced through relationships. We live and work with others. When we shift to living in our Brilliance we are able to recognize theBrilliance in others. Bringing our Brilliance into our relationships elevates and expands their potential. As we focus from our natural Brilliance and see the Brilliance in others We create vital connections that uplift and inspire. This process promises brilliant relationships.

Our brilliant relationships create brilliant communities. We can change what is happening in the world today. Change begins with one good idea. A brilliant idea supported by a brilliant community will impact everyone. When collective Brilliance is applied to any situation an unstoppable power for good is released.

As we write this our world seems to be in serious trouble on all fronts. No one has a crystal ball that shows us the ideal outcome. Collectively we have the power to choose the direction we move in, within our societies, our nation, and our world. Where do we begin?

Waiting for somebody to step up and take charge for all of us won’t work. That is an outside-in approach that denies the contributions each of us is here to make.

Our best beginning is to connect with our Brilliance.
Then we can connect with the Brilliance of others.
Together we can pool our brilliant ideas which will always lead to expanded solutions to the situations we face.

Brilliant solutions incorporate the needs of all and serve everyone. A collective action from Natural Brilliance holds the power to transform the world’s problems.

We heal ourselves when we live from our Brilliance. Healing our planet, our countries, and our societies, comes from our willingness to live our heart’s desire and do what we love. This is our most important gift to life.

Tags: Brilliant Relationships, happy lives, Natural Brilliance
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We are Mirrors in Our Relationships

Written by Lynne & Vivian on November 24, 2009 – 8:00 am -

Mirror, mirror, on the wall; who is the fairest of them all? The old fairy tale of Snow White had a great scene. The wicked queen asked the mirror her question and didn’t like the answer she received. The queen’s ugly behavior grew out of her ugly thoughts. Our relationships often serve as a mirror for us as well. If we don’t like what we see in our relationships, we need to check the mirror of our thoughts for some answers.

Question: Can I understand how I am a “mirror” in my relationships?

If we knew we had it in our power to feel good, to feel fulfilled, to be happy and stress free, we wouldn’t ask others to change to make us happy. And we wouldn’t need to control others to make ourselves feel better. We all wish for great relationships. We all want to be loved and accepted for who we truly are.

The great comedian Flip Wilson used to say, “What you see is what you get!” What we put our attention on is what we get in our relationships.

If we look at the flaws in others, we may find that we are more often criticized. If we complain about and blame others, we may notice that others also are blaming us. In our relationships, we all serve as mirrors for one another. If we are seeing flaws, shortcomings, and problems when we look at those around us, we are seeing a reflection of our own thoughts and attitudes.

When we shift our thinking and see through our natural brilliance, through the eyes of love, we will find that new view reflected in those around us. This is the process for creating the relationships we really want. When we focus on what is working, what we love, what we admire and respect in others, that is what we’ll find in the relationships we create.

Here are a couple of experiments to help you recognize the best in others and to create great relationships.

Experiment #1: Identify one or two things you really appreciate in someone you love, and tell that person how you feel.

Experiment #2: Acknowledge someone in your life who you rarely celebrate or recognize.

Posted in Relationships, Thinking | Comments

Brilliance Builds Better Relationships

Written by Lynne & Vivian on November 3, 2009 – 7:00 am -

Today we begin a series of articles on the topic of relationships. In good or bad times, our relationships can act like a thermometer in our lives. From hot to cold, the measure of how our relationships are going heats or chills the rest of our lives at the same time. Relationships are that important.

If you have relationships that include partners, spouses or children at home, know that those relationships can be a source of continuous stress or continuous support. In times of fear about jobs and finances, along with worries about relatives, friends and/or children, we all tend to “work out” our stress at home. Everyone there starts to feel upset, distressed or worse when stress is high. This isn’t what we need to make it through the hard times.

Let’s take a look at the general adjustments and pressures in our relationships. First of all, relationships in the home always involve communication. Sometimes our communication habits need some work in order to make decisions and coexist peacefully. When we have children there are even more people to include in the process.

When two people decide to make a home together they bring all their previous patterns with them. Behaviors that are normal to one may seem unreasonable to the other. Many of us have assumed that we will get along without looking at our individual perceptions and differences. This can lead to conflict, heartache and even more stress.

We also bring our expectations, dreams, and desires into our relationships. When things don’t go as we expect them to we react out of surprise, hurt, or disappointment. These feelings are telling us that we are reacting from our old patterns of thinking. Until we’ve learned to shift from what we thought would be, to our Brilliance, we will be immersed in stress.

We can remove the stress from poor communication and learn to accept and/or negotiate our partner’s “crazy” patterns when we communicate from our Brilliance. We can turn hurt and disappointment into commitment and adventure when we see the Brilliance in others and work to share a life that honors “the others” in our relationships, without demanding shared viewpoints, goals and dreams.

Most of our relationship problems come from our conditioned thinking. Once we have learned to follow our natural Brilliance we can avoid the potholes and have a smoother, more loving journey for ourselves and our families.

If you want to learn more about how Brilliance can make good relationships better, and then turn better into best, access more of our articles on Brilliance to get a bigger picture. We will be sharing our views on “judging others” and “anger” in two articles coming soon. Stay tuned.

Tags: Brilliance, Natural Brilliance, Relationships, stress
Posted in Brilliance, Relationships, Stress Relief | Comments

Cleaning Your Own House

Written by Lynne on September 2, 2009 – 9:29 am -

We all have beliefs and patterns of thinking that we have adopted throughout our lives. Many of these habits of thought have to do with our loved ones and other people in our lives.

People from large families may not believe they got all the parenting they expected because their parents’ attention would only go so far. All children have an idea of what a good parent is and what they want from their parents. If their expectation doesn’t match their reality, they feel a sense of loss which may be expressed through anger or a sense of unworthiness.

We can recognize the need behind our early thoughts and then add the understanding we gain as adults that we don’t have to let old thoughts and beliefs control our lives. When we do this we choose a new path toward healthier, happier relationships.

Another example is the expectations we have about our significant relationships. We have a list of how we want to be treated which is not always met by our loved one. In this conflict people often give up instead of working toward a mutually fulfilling relationship, free from old beliefs.

As adults we need to clean house and remove all the assumptions we created as children. Learn more about how to clean your own mental house by reading Chapter 5, “Break Free From Thought Patterns”, in our book, Activate Your Brilliance: 12 Keys to the Art of Living Happy.

Tags: habits of thought, happier relationships.
Posted in Happiness, Relationships, Thinking | Comments

Are You Caught in Trauma or Drama?

Written by Lynne & Vivian on August 28, 2009 – 9:08 am -

Yesterday Lynne was talking with a very good friend of ours who commented that she still finds herself paying too much attention to what other people say or think about her. This is something that we frequently continue to deal with in our lives.

First of all when anyone gets caught up in what they think someone else thinks about them, there is a gut clenching or very uncomfortable feeling that may range from sadness or despair to anger. Some people go to the anger first. When this happens to us it is our first indication that something is out of kilter.

We have come to understand that our feelings are messengers. Negative feelings tell us that our thoughts about whatever is going on are negative. In other words, we are making up something negative about another person, believing it, and perhaps acting on it. Whenever we experience trauma and drama in our families or jobs, it is because we have made our thoughts into facts.

We have learned to fact check from our natural Brilliance. Then we don’t have to personalize what other people are saying or thinking about us. This is a huge stress eliminator. This makes stress relief easy for us.