All for One and One for All

Imagine finding yourself in the situation Shirley Sharrod has experienced in the last few days. A highly edited video portrayal left her reputation in tatters. Then insufficient investigation and blatant assumptions resulted in her losing her job. In the mix it appears that distorted mindsets put this in motion to meet personal agendas.

• It seems that the blogger who cooked the video was deliberately intending to undermine the NAACP and the current administration and claim some fame at the expense of Ms. Sherrod.
• Fox News then grabbed the video and used it to attack both her and the administration.
• It seems that her employer also jumped to conclusions in a context of fear over past racial discrimination in his department and fired Ms. Sherrod.

This story appears to be the norm rather than the exception. We are living in a world of distorted beliefs and thoughts that are contributing to fear, conflict, and destruction on a personal and global level.

Here are some other examples:

• There was the BP employee who reported problems with the Gulf oil well which were ignored by his supervisor resulting in a disaster of untold proportions.
• For the past month there has been a supreme effort in Congress to block the passage of an extension of unemployment benefits for millions who have been out of work for months, even years, as a result of our economic crisis. These workers were portrayed by some members of Congress as lazy and unwilling to get a job.
• Then the latest discussions on the news of the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan indicate that we will need to be there for many more years.

Are we living in an insane world? Perhaps we are, and it’s our thinking that is creating the chaos around us.

• Our conditioned beliefs, our thoughts, that it is our right to put our agendas above the good of the whole lead to permission to deliberately distort the truth and cause harm to others.
• Our beliefs that safety is less important than bottom line profits opens the door to negligence and resulting catastrophe.
• Our greedy thoughts that we can have everything our way regardless of the needs of others, leads to extreme imbalance in personal, national and international relationships.

When is this going to stop? If you have ever felt alone, victimized, cheated, wounded, or hopeless, you have experienced the insanity resulting from dysfunctional habits of thinking. Each of us has the power to stop this insanity.

• When we clear our distorted habits of thinking and focus on thoughts that bring us peace, joy, and harmony we will create the new world.
• When we take the time to tune into other perspectives, to see the value and strengths in everyone, we will increase the quality of our lives.

So, Shirley, we apologize. We admire your dignity and honesty. And, we will work to build a consciousness of Brilliance in our communities so that all can benefit and live together harmoniously.

Back to Brilliance ©2010

Perhaps it’s time for a new mindset for the holidays. Some of the major holidays of the year celebrated by different religions have already passed. Thanksgiving is over as well. But no matter where we go we are surrounded by the trappings of Christmas, with Kwanza and Chanukah coming up for those who celebrate these days.  Gifts, decorations, food, and more can frazzle us while they dazzle us. It could be time to start some new traditions.

The real trick is knowing that our mindset is just a set of thoughts and beliefs inside of us, and we can change these if we choose. What is it we really want to accomplish in this holiday season? What is the true gift in our gift-giving? It seems that one reason we give gifts is to show appreciation to another person. When gifts are expected, and few thanks given, we wonder if appreciation is really the issue.  What message do you want your gifts to say this holiday season?

If you want to show appreciation and love to others, there are many types of gifts. Do you want to share more of yourself and less of Macy’s this year? What would happen if you chose a special object, possession, picture, or memory and wrote or shared its meaning as your gift to each loved one? While you might expect some to be disappointed, the gifts of your personal expression, hopes and insight would long be remembered.

What if you gave each person an empty jar and filled it with notes listing the talents, strengths or characteristics you most love or appreciate about that person? That gift is one that could keep on giving for a lifetime. And such a jar certainly would invite more notes over the year ahead. The gifts we give that are not expensive often create a wealth beyond compare in the hearts of those who receive them.

Now back to that holiday mindset.  We get to choose our thoughts, so will you see those twinkling lights on your neighbor’s house as something beautiful in the dark of the night, or as a reminder of what you haven’t gotten done yet? Will you see yourself as wise and discriminating if you choose a heart-filled gift from within to personally share with those you love, or as inadequate and disappointing if you don’t buy everything on your child’s wish list at Target?

At Back to Brilliance we focus attention on living from our Brilliance, that part of our mind that is connected to all life and the universe itself. We know that anyone can learn to live from this state of awareness and thereby create healthy, happy, fulfilling lives for themselves. The Mindset of Brilliance is like that Energizer Bunny who just keeps going, and going, and giving to enrich our lives.

We know that our mindset is ours to create and that the greatest gift we can give to ourselves and others is to live full out, and to express and share our true selves with those we love. Following our heart’s direction is primary, while the trappings of the holiday season are secondary. Give like you’ve never given before in this season of holidays. Risk giving a part of your true self to those you love this year.

Ask yourself this question: Can I let go of anger in my relationships? Because anger is such a common stressor in relationship problems, we need to give it some attention. To truly master our relationships, we need to master our feelings of anger. Anger is easily triggered because of our family conditioning and because it appears to be the “best” expression that shows how we are feeling at the time.

Our feeling vocabulary may be limited. We may be afraid, and cover it with anger. We may be frustrated to the max and let anger take over our words. We might simply feel defeated by a voicemail system when we have tried to get an important message through to a service representative. No matter when or where our anger takes the stage, we damage relationships with unrestrained anger.

Our frustration, irritation, and distress frequently build into anger because we don’t let these feelings out until we feel safe. Too often we let anger run riot with the people closest to us, or with those with whom we can “get away with it”. Because our anger response often is harsh, explosive, and quickly gets out of control, it is imperative that we recognize its source.

Any negative feeling is attached to a pattern of thinking or belief about ourselves or others. Anger is attached to a thought, and a thought is just a thought until we give it life. The impact on relationships from anger, explosive, seething, sulking, or hostile, is devastating. Quiet anger is no less destructive than noisy anger. Whether anger is triggered by an old belief pattern or is purposely used to control others, it is a destroyer rather than a builder of relationships.

It is possible to master our feelings of anger. Any negative feeling is telling us to check our thinking. Anger is showing us that our thought system is in control and we’re out of control. We need to know our own flash points and learn to identify our early physical symptoms if we want to stop the process and avoid angry outbursts.

If you find yourself clenching your teeth, tightening your fists, or shaking, take a deep breath, relax, and check your thinking. Ask yourself: Is making this thought “right” worth damaging my relationship with this person? Could I share this thought or resolve this situation another way without anger and stress?

Once you gain the ability to catch your anger before it gets away from you and to look at the thoughts that are triggering your anger response, you’ll realize that these thoughts really weren’t all that important. They didn’t reflect your values. They weren’t justified. They certainly were not worth destroying a relationship.

Anger is a kind of rejection that pushes people away and resolves nothing. When we shift from the thought patterns behind the anger to our brilliance, we receive the gift of acceptance. We can accept that we have different viewpoints, different experiences, and different realities. We may still have problems to resolve, but through our wisdom and understanding, we can access the best solutions and alleviate stress.

Giving up anger means giving up the thoughts behind it, particularly “I am right and he/she/you/they are wrong.” By giving up that one thought we gain more than we are afraid we might lose. We do not lose power (because we never had it). We do not lose importance (because we are always important). We do gain respect and the chance for safe, sane and loving communication that sustains us and all of those in our world.

Excerpted in part from Activate Your Brilliance, Back to Brilliance ©2007-2009

All of these thoughts can go whirling around your head, time and again, night after night, with new reports replacing the old ones. Bedtime musing may be helpful once in a while, but when it persists and you don’t get a good amount of that deep sleep, life generally becomes more difficult.  You may wonder how you can go back to sleeping well.

Concerns and questions that we chew on tend to linger and create a viewpoint that the world “isn’t really on our side”, is “dangerous” at most, and “uncertain” any way you look at it. Stress starts its overnight visits with you, in your bed.

Our good old reptilian brain is made to face the lion and fight or flee.  Just imagine seeing a snake on your back doorstep and how you would respond. It’s almost automatic—the mind/body connection moves you in one direction or another, and with great speed.

So, what do we do about the worry, the uncertainty, that daily deluge of information that might or might not be harmful to us personally? You can’t really get away from it and it’s hard to know how to fight it.  TV ads will tell you to take the latest sleep aide. These have their place but do not get at the real cause of stress-induced loss of sleep.

There is an easier way to calm the mind and bring restful sleep back to your life. For a glimpse, visit the Stress Page on our site and let the ideas for stress relief begin to percolate. You certainly won’t lose any sleep with the ideas we present there.   More next week on the Real Solution to losing sleep to stress.

First of all when anyone gets caught up in what they think someone else thinks about them, there is a gut clenching or very uncomfortable feeling that may range from sadness or despair to anger. Some people go to the anger first. When this happens to us it is our first indication that something is out of kilter.

We have come to understand that our feelings are messengers. Negative feelings tell us that our thoughts about whatever is going on are negative. In other words, we are making up something negative about another person, believing it, and perhaps acting on it. Whenever we experience trauma and drama in our families or jobs, it is because we have made our thoughts into facts.

We have learned to fact check from our natural Brilliance. Then we don’t have to personalize what other people are saying or thinking about us.  This is a huge stress eliminator. This makes stress relief easy for us.