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New World Relationships

Written by Lynne on September 1, 2011 – 3:10 pm -

This is the ninth of 12 new articles updating the Brilliance formula. We can create relationships that reflect Brilliance. This significantly expands the collective whole and leads to new dimensions of experience.

New World Relationships

Lynne Hoft & Vivian Hildebrandt

The key to healthy, happy relationships is Brilliance. All of the aspects of the Brilliance Formula contribute to one’s ability to create healthy relationships. The first step is to create a healthy relationship with self.

We live in a world of relationships. Whether we have a close family or no family, a few friends or many, relationships are essential to our awareness of ourselves and our development as human beings. We come to know ourselves early in life through our interactions with those around us. We receive direct information about our capabilities and character. At the same time we interpret freely and add these perceptions to our self-concept package. It is our “me-concept” that we take into the world that is the magnet for the relationships that follow.

Through the highs and lows of life we are searching for our identity.

We can choose to know ourselves through the judgments and perceptions of others that we have stored in our memory banks.

Or, we can search for ourselves in another realm, using our inner access to our expanded self.

We have always had an expanded Quantum self with access to Brilliance and universal experience, characterized by freedom and joy.

As we move beyond our “thought” patterns, beliefs, and patterns of thinking, we gain a stronger connection to the innate Brilliance that is the core truth of who we are. Then we can become aware of how beliefs and thinking are the stuff that all human beings are dealing with. What we discover in self, we see in others. What we see in others often parallels our own habits and patterns of being.

We learn to recognize our “feelings” and the messages they give us about our thinking. We know when we are caught up in old habits and ways of being and when we are aligned with our Brilliance. Eventually we recognize in others the same pattern. We see when those others in our lives are acting out of their old habits—reacting to the feelings their beliefs engender. Often it is easier to see this play out in others than in ourselves.

As our understanding of “moods” grows we gain some mastery at knowing when to progress and when to hold back. We become able to connect our moods to our actions. We learn to avoid decision-making and conflict when in low moods. This alone eliminates many potential situations from erupting into conflicts. We also begin to recognize low moods in others and to allow space for low moods. We learn to avoid confronting and pushing when the mood levels prohibit healthy, sane interactions.

The core principles of the Brilliance Formula allow our relationships to improve. We are more able to accept that we are caught in an old habit vs. making ourselves wrong—condemned to being an eternal mess. And we are able to see others through the same lens. We are all learning to grow in our Brilliance.

Once we add understanding “separate realities” into the mix, our relationships are given a new field—a new foundation for development.

We realize that our realities are unique and individual.
We quit expecting others to think as we think and to see life as we see it.
It is this key that opens the door to new ways of being in relationships.
We gain the license to discover more deeply who the others are in our lives—by asking, listening, and hearing them share themselves with us.
And we also share ourselves with them.

Now we are available for a deeper intimacy and a deeper love connection within our relationships.

Adding “forgiveness” moves us into a new level of being with others and with ourselves. We are able to go beyond our limits and forge pathways to freedom. We free ourselves and others from old molds, old ways of being. Doors open to new worlds, new realities where we are free to be our best.

When we bring our true self to “relationships”, the outcome is phenomenal. We give ourselves freely and can accept the sacred gifts that each other person brings. New worlds of relationships start when we find our wholeness and begin to recognize the wholeness of others. We create from this foundation and work to bring wholeness and healing into every action and interaction. When all work together from their Brilliance, their truth, anything is possible.

We human beings are a collective. We don’t learn alone, grow alone, or become all we can be, alone. Me, me, me is the consciousness that is reflected in the world we see today. It is finding our identity not as “me” but as “we”, a collective whole, that is the way we move forward. We are ONE. When we truly recognize our Oneness, the doors to heaven open and we go beyond our wildest dreams.

Tags: Brilliance, moods, Oneness, Relationships, Thought Patterns
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Share Your Gifts

Written by Lynne & Vivian on December 30, 2010 – 4:04 pm -

Note: The following paragraphs are from the final chapter of our new E-book, Stop Stress Now: The Brilliance Formula in Action.

Brilliance illuminates our true talents, strengths and abilities. As we clear the old patterns of thinking and belief systems that create our stress, we seewho we truly are. We no longer allow our life energy to be absorbed by multiple external conditions. Instead we direct our life force into all that lights us up and gives us joy. We are able to be true to ourselves, do what we love, and live truly happy lives.

Life is experienced through relationships. We live and work with others.

When we shift to living in our Brilliance we are able to recognize the Brilliance in others.

Bringing our Brilliance into our relationships elevates and expands their potential.

As we focus from our innate Brilliance and see the Brilliance in others we create vital connections that uplift and inspire.

This process promises brilliant relationships.

Our brilliant relationships create brilliant communities. We can change what is happening in the world today. Change begins with one good idea. A brilliant idea supported by a brilliant community will impact everyone. When collective Brilliance is applied to any situation an unstoppable power for good is released.

As we write this our world seems to be in serious trouble on all fronts. No one has a crystal ball that shows us the ideal outcome. Collectively we have the power to choose the direction we move in, within our societies, our nation, and our world. Where do we begin?

Waiting for somebody to step up and take charge for all of us won’t work. That is an outside-in approach that denies the contributions each of us is here to make.

Our best beginning is to connect with our Brilliance.
Then we can connect with the Brilliance of others.
Together we can pool our brilliant ideas which will always lead to expanded solutions to the situations we face.

Brilliant solutions incorporate the needs of all and serve everyone. A collective action from Brilliance holds the power to transform the world’s problems.

We heal ourselves when we live from our Brilliance. Healing our planet, our countries, and our societies, comes from our willingness to live our heart’s desire and do what we love. This is our most important gift to life.

Tags: Brilliance, Healing, Relationships, Strengths
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Letting Go of Anger in Relationships

Written by Lynne & Vivian on December 7, 2010 – 7:00 am -

Because anger is so common in relationship problems, it needs attention. To truly master our relationships, we need to master our feelings of anger. These feelings are easily triggered because of our conditioning and anger frequently hides deeper feelings we are afraid to share. Because our anger response often is harsh, explosive, and quickly gets out of control, it is imperative that we recognize its source.

Any negative feeling is attached to a pattern of thinking and belief about ourselves or others. Anger is attached to a thought, and a thought is just a thought until we give it life. The impact on relationships from anger—explosive, seething, sulking, or hostile—is devastating. Quiet anger is no less destructive than noisy anger. Whether anger is triggered by an old belief pattern or is purposely used to control others, it is a destroyer rather than a builder of relationships.

It is possible to master our feelings of anger. Any negative feeling is telling us to check our thinking. Anger is showing us that our thought system is in control and we’re out of control. We need to know our own flash points and learn to identify our early physical symptoms if we want to stop the process and avoid angry outbursts. If you find yourself clenching your teeth, tightening your fists, or shaking, take a deep breath, relax, and check your thinking. Ask yourself: Is making this thought right worth damaging my relationship with this person? Could I share this thought or resolve this situation another way without anger?

Once you gain the ability to catch your anger before it gets away from you and to look at the thoughts that are triggering your anger response, you’ll realize that these thoughts really weren’t all that important. They didn’t reflect your values. They weren’t justified. They certainly were not worth destroying a relationship.

Anger is a kind of rejection that pushes people away and resolves nothing. When we shift from the thought patterns behind the anger to our Brilliance, we receive the gift of acceptance. We can accept that we have different viewpoints, different experiences, and different realities. We may still have problems to resolve, but through our wisdom and understanding, we can access the best solutions. We can defuse our anger and create better relationships.

Tags: anger, belief, Brilliance, Relationships, thought
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Healing Relationships

Written by Lynne & Vivian on November 8, 2010 – 2:01 pm -

When relationships disintegrate, it is because we have made assumptions, made judgments, and let our hurt and anger take over our communication. We become so attached to “our side of the story” that we can’t see our way clear to even listening calmly to others. Understanding how our thinking is behind those judgments that separate us from others is the first step to healing our relationships. Then we can use our feelings, which came from our thinking, to guide us in a new direction. We can shift and connect with our brilliant thoughts to renew our listening and respond from our hearts.

Many of us have a habit of judging others in our relationships. How do we deal with this most common habit and barrier to healthy relationships? First, we need to understand and remember that judgments are just thoughts we have focused on and made real. We judge according to our expectations, losing sight of the fact that we all have separate realities and don’t see things the same. In low moods, whatever we see seems to be at its worst.

When we get caught up in judging someone else, we tend to lose sight of the whole person and see only the problem we have identified as theirs. We judge others for the “big” stuff, from not taking out the trash to misplacing the newspaper to being a loudmouth shrew. In our minds they could do better or be better.

Often we’re even harsher on ourselves with our judgments than we are on others. When we haven’t lived up to our own standards we become the object of our scorn. We think we can’t do anything right, haven’t learned yet, are stupid and shortsighted. When others are judging us, it’s fairly easy to ignore or discount those we don’t know well or care about; however, judgments from those we know and love can cut deep and be long remembered.

Have you ever had a positive result come from making a negative judgment about another or about yourself? All the judgments we’ve identified here are negatives that are classified and held for a long time. This long shelf life of judgments cheats the one making the judgment from really knowing another and prevents the one judged from being known.

Judgments drain our energy. They come from our computer patterns of thinking. When we engage in them, our negative feelings should be our first clue to pay attention and redirect our attention and our energy. Although judgments about nuclear warfare might seem worthy of the negative energy spent, judgments about hairstyles and lifestyles contribute little or nothing. Underneath these judgments we find a lack of respect for ourselves and everyone else.

When we have agreements or shared expectations with others and they aren’t working, we can always renegotiate without judgment in a respectful way. Any time spent in making judgments or being concerned about the judgments others have made is wasted. Imagine what we could be doing from our natural Brilliance instead. Judgments are always negative; instead, we can admire, compliment, and acknowledge the positive traits of others seen from our Brilliance through the eyes of respect. Yes! we can see the best and forget the rest.

Tags: Brilliance, Feelings, judgments, Relationships, Thinking
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Stress Relief for Anger in Relationships

Written by Lynne & Vivian on November 17, 2009 – 8:00 am -

Anger is a feeling all of us have experienced. We usually blame others for “making us angry” when, in fact, the real culprit for anger is the thoughts we have inside our own heads. Yes, the behaviors that others have, the accidents that occur, the “stupid” decisions, and on and on, do have the ability get a reaction from us. But, the reaction will come forth from us? Also, we determine its frequency and intensity.

Ask yourself this question: Can I let go of anger in my relationships? Because anger is such a common stressor in relationship problems, we need to give it some attention. To truly master our relationships, we need to master our feelings of anger. Anger is easily triggered because of our family conditioning and because it appears to be the “best” expression that shows how we are feeling at the time.

Our feeling vocabulary may be limited. We may be afraid, and cover it with anger. We may be frustrated to the max and let anger take over our words. We might simply feel defeated by a voicemail system when we have tried to get an important message through to a service representative. No matter when or where our anger takes the stage, we damage relationships with unrestrained anger.

Our frustration, irritation, and distress frequently build into anger because we don’t let these feelings out until we feel safe. Too often we let anger run riot with the people closest to us, or with those with whom we can “get away with it”. Because our anger response often is harsh, explosive, and quickly gets out of control, it is imperative that we recognize its source.

Tags: anger, Brilliance, Relationships, Stress Relief, thoughts
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Negative Judgments Kill Relationships

Written by Lynne & Vivian on November 10, 2009 – 7:00 am -

Ever have those gnarly, negative judgments about others shooting through your mind? Join the human race! When these judgments start to take up more of your time or focus on someone you thought you really loved, it’s time to choose. Do you want to continue judging, or do you want to return to loving and respecting?

Ask yourself this question: Can I let go of judging others in my relationships?

Most of us have a habit of judging others in our relationships. How do we deal with this most common habit and barrier to healthy relationships? First, we need to understand and remember that judgments are just thoughts we have focused on and made real. We judge according to our expectations, losing sight of the fact that we all have separate realities and don’t see things the same.

We have experienced making judgments, and hundreds of assumptions, because we didn’t take the time to ask questions about what was happening or why someone said something. We all fall prey to the habit of judging others because of how they appear, talk, or where they work or worship.

But in our families, close friendships, or partnerships, we owe those we love or hold dear a better outcome than a fast judgment and the resulting disapproval, cold shoulder, or sermon from the mount. And, why are we on the “mount” anyway? What makes us more qualified to know how others should think, live, or act than they? It’s pretty funny when you think about it. We spend more of our creative energy judging others for being who they are than working on what we can control – our own goals, skills and talents.

Tags: judgments, Relationships, stress, Thinking
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Brilliance Builds Better Relationships

Written by Lynne & Vivian on November 3, 2009 – 7:00 am -

Today we begin a series of articles on the topic of relationships. In good or bad times, our relationships can act like a thermometer in our lives. From hot to cold, the measure of how our relationships are going heats or chills the rest of our lives at the same time. Relationships are that important.

If you have relationships that include partners, spouses or children at home, know that those relationships can be a source of continuous stress or continuous support. In times of fear about jobs and finances, along with worries about relatives, friends and/or children, we all tend to “work out” our stress at home. Everyone there starts to feel upset, distressed or worse when stress is high. This isn’t what we need to make it through the hard times.

Let’s take a look at the general adjustments and pressures in our relationships. First of all, relationships in the home always involve communication. Sometimes our communication habits need some work in order to make decisions and coexist peacefully. When we have children there are even more people to include in the process.

When two people decide to make a home together they bring all their previous patterns with them. Behaviors that are normal to one may seem unreasonable to the other. Many of us have assumed that we will get along without looking at our individual perceptions and differences. This can lead to conflict, heartache and even more stress.

We also bring our expectations, dreams, and desires into our relationships. When things don’t go as we expect them to we react out of surprise, hurt, or disappointment. These feelings are telling us that we are reacting from our old patterns of thinking. Until we’ve learned to shift from what we thought would be, to our Brilliance, we will be immersed in stress.

We can remove the stress from poor communication and learn to accept and/or negotiate our partner’s “crazy” patterns when we communicate from our Brilliance. We can turn hurt and disappointment into commitment and adventure when we see the Brilliance in others and work to share a life that honors “the others” in our relationships, without demanding shared viewpoints, goals and dreams.

Most of our relationship problems come from our conditioned thinking. Once we have learned to follow our natural Brilliance we can avoid the potholes and have a smoother, more loving journey for ourselves and our families.

If you want to learn more about how Brilliance can make good relationships better, and then turn better into best, access more of our articles on Brilliance to get a bigger picture. We will be sharing our views on “judging others” and “anger” in two articles coming soon. Stay tuned.

Tags: Brilliance, Natural Brilliance, Relationships, stress
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Change Your Mind for Stress Relief

Written by Lynne & Vivian on August 25, 2009 – 1:52 am -

Change Your Mind for Stress Relief

The experts say that we are designed to experience stress and react to it. Stress can be positive and intensify our awareness. If you have ever played soccer or softball or tennis or any competitive sport, you know this kind of stress is actually exhilarating and can bring out our best efforts.

However, the stress we feel from job pressures and demands is not exhilarating. The stress you experience when getting bad news about someone you love might feel like a ball of fire in your gut and a tightness that takes time to release. The stress many of us have felt in long-term bad relationships can even lead to emotional disorders because our chronic stress reactions haven’t been released or resolved.

In other words, the stress that continues unabated, that we can’t get relief from, becomes distress to our bodies. That’s the kind of stress we have to get a handle on. If we don’t, we face the consequences of anger, depression, high blood pressure, and many more health problems.