Relationships | Back To Brilliance Personal Growth

Stress Relief for Anger in Relationships

Written by Lynne & Vivian on November 17, 2009 – 8:00 am -

Anger is a feeling all of us have experienced. We usually blame others for “making us angry” when, in fact, the real culprit for anger is the thoughts we have inside our own heads. Yes, the behaviors that others have, the accidents that occur, the “stupid” decisions, and on and on, do have the ability get a reaction from us. But, the reaction will come forth from us? Also, we determine its frequency and intensity.

Ask yourself this question: Can I let go of anger in my relationships? Because anger is such a common stressor in relationship problems, we need to give it some attention. To truly master our relationships, we need to master our feelings of anger. Anger is easily triggered because of our family conditioning and because it appears to be the “best” expression that shows how we are feeling at the time.

Our feeling vocabulary may be limited. We may be afraid, and cover it with anger. We may be frustrated to the max and let anger take over our words. We might simply feel defeated by a voicemail system when we have tried to get an important message through to a service representative. No matter when or where our anger takes the stage, we damage relationships with unrestrained anger.

Our frustration, irritation, and distress frequently build into anger because we don’t let these feelings out until we feel safe. Too often we let anger run riot with the people closest to us, or with those with whom we can “get away with it”. Because our anger response often is harsh, explosive, and quickly gets out of control, it is imperative that we recognize its source.

Tags: anger, Brilliance, Relationships, Stress Relief, thoughts
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Negative Judgments Kill Relationships

Written by Lynne & Vivian on November 10, 2009 – 7:00 am -

Ever have those gnarly, negative judgments about others shooting through your mind? Join the human race! When these judgments start to take up more of your time or focus on someone you thought you really loved, it’s time to choose. Do you want to continue judging, or do you want to return to loving and respecting?

Ask yourself this question: Can I let go of judging others in my relationships?

Most of us have a habit of judging others in our relationships. How do we deal with this most common habit and barrier to healthy relationships? First, we need to understand and remember that judgments are just thoughts we have focused on and made real. We judge according to our expectations, losing sight of the fact that we all have separate realities and don’t see things the same.

When we get caught up in judging someone else, we tend to lose sight of the whole person and see only the problem we have identified as theirs. We judge others for the “big” stuff, from not taking out the trash to misplacing the newspaper to being a loudmouth. In our minds they could do better or be better.

We have experienced making judgments, and hundreds of assumptions, because we didn’t take the time to ask questions about what was happening or why someone said something. We all fall prey to the habit of judging others because of how they appear, talk, or where they work or worship.

But in our families, close friendships, or partnerships, we owe those we love or hold dear a better outcome than a fast judgment and the resulting disapproval, cold shoulder, or sermon from the mount. And, why are we on the “mount” anyway? What makes us more qualified to know how others should think, live, or act than they? It’s pretty funny when you think about it. We spend more of our creative energy judging others for being who they are than working on what we can control – our own goals, skills and talents.

Tags: judgments, Relationships, stress, Thinking
Posted in Stress Relief, Thinking | Comments

Brilliance Builds Better Relationships

Written by Lynne & Vivian on November 3, 2009 – 7:00 am -

Today we begin a series of articles on the topic of relationships. In good or bad times, our relationships can act like a thermometer in our lives. From hot to cold, the measure of how our relationships are going heats or chills the rest of our lives at the same time. Relationships are that important.

If you have relationships that include partners, spouses or children at home, know that those relationships can be a source of continuous stress or continuous support. In times of fear about jobs and finances, along with worries about relatives, friends and/or children, we all tend to “work out” our stress at home. Everyone there starts to feel upset, distressed or worse when stress is high. This isn’t what we need to make it through the hard times.

Let’s take a look at the general adjustments and pressures in our relationships. First of all, relationships in the home always involve communication. Sometimes our communication habits need some work in order to make decisions and coexist peacefully. When we have children there are even more people to include in the process.

When two people decide to make a home together they bring all their previous patterns with them. Behaviors that are normal to one may seem unreasonable to the other. Many of us have assumed that we will get along without looking at our individual perceptions and differences. This can lead to conflict, heartache and even more stress.

We also bring our expectations, dreams, and desires into our relationships. When things don’t go as we expect them to we react out of surprise, hurt, or disappointment. These feelings are telling us that we are reacting from our old patterns of thinking. Until we’ve learned to shift from what we thought would be, to our Brilliance, we will be immersed in stress.

We can remove the stress from poor communication and learn to accept and/or negotiate our partner’s “crazy” patterns when we communicate from our Brilliance. We can turn hurt and disappointment into commitment and adventure when we see the Brilliance in others and work to share a life that honors “the others” in our relationships, without demanding shared viewpoints, goals and dreams.

Most of our relationship problems come from our conditioned thinking. Once we have learned to follow our natural Brilliance we can avoid the potholes and have a smoother, more loving journey for ourselves and our families.

If you want to learn more about how Brilliance can make good relationships better, and then turn better into best, access more of our articles on Brilliance to get a bigger picture. We will be sharing our views on “judging others” and “anger” in two articles coming soon. Stay tuned.

Tags: Brilliance, Natural Brilliance, Relationships, stress
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Change Your Mind for Stress Relief

Written by Lynne & Vivian on August 25, 2009 – 1:52 am -

Change Your Mind for Stress Relief

The experts say that we are designed to experience stress and react to it. Stress can be positive and intensify our awareness. If you have ever played soccer or softball or tennis or any competitive sport, you know this kind of stress is actually exhilarating and can bring out our best efforts.

However, the stress we feel from job pressures and demands is not exhilarating. The stress you experience when getting bad news about someone you love might feel like a ball of fire in your gut and a tightness that takes time to release. The stress many of us have felt in long-term bad relationships can even lead to emotional disorders because our chronic stress reactions haven’t been released or resolved.

In other words, the stress that continues unabated, that we can’t get relief from, becomes distress to our bodies. That’s the kind of stress we have to get a handle on. If we don’t, we face the consequences of anger, depression, high blood pressure, and many more health problems.