Judgments | Back To Brilliance Personal Growth

Letting Go of Judgments

Written by Lynne & Vivian on May 10, 2010 – 7:00 am -

Have you noticed that communities come in many forms? A community could be as simple as going to a baseball game and rooting for the Twins instead of the Red Sox. We feel an immediate sense of shared purpose and get caught up in the emotional ups (or downs) of our team.

A community might involve coaching Little League or soccer, or supporting the kids at a game, with your presence or by selling raffle tickets or baking cakes for a fund raiser. We actually get to know the people in this small community and feel a personal sense of belonging over the season.

What about our family community? Do you have one of “those” families where everyone is spreading the latest gossip; or do you have one of those “other” families that work to support everyone through their latest hardships or greatest accomplishments? Either type of family community allows us to really get to know each other, like it or not.

Most community members have a habit of making judgments about others, those we know well and those we don’t really know at all. It may be that we have a set of categories that people fall into. Or we see certain characteristics in others that are different from us and so we create stories about them. Some may be “big” talkers so we identify them as pushy. Others may dress down and we assume they lack manners and social savvy.

Whenever we find ourselves having such thoughts we need to remember that our judgments speak more about us than about others. It is our perception of the world, of how things should be, that separate us from others. When we do this we miss out on all of the gifts those “others” are bringing to us. When we cannot accept others, it is a reflection of something in ourselves, something that we are not accepting, something we fear or perhaps doubt about our adequacy.

In reality, judgments are simply opportunities for us to grow. When we are making judgments there is a “distress” within that we often project onto those we judged. We can use these feelings to recognize that we have slipped into a judgmental habit. This recognition can give us pause to let go of our limiting beliefs and ideas that separate us from those around us. The easiest way to stop judging others is to stop judging ourselves. We can do this when we learn to see the natural Brilliance in ourselves, and in others.

In today’s world, it will take all of us to make it a better place, to right the wrongs, and to bring more love and healing to its problems and injustice. The more we’re able to drop our judgments, the closer we are to building a community that can thrive and bring out the best in all. In these communities we will begin to see others through new eyes and appreciate them, and ourselves, in the process. Letting go of negative judgments allows us to build positive and sustaining communities.

Tags: community, family, judgments, Natural Brilliance
Posted in Brilliance, Relationships | Comments

Negative Judgments Kill Relationships

Written by Lynne & Vivian on November 10, 2009 – 7:00 am -

Ever have those gnarly, negative judgments about others shooting through your mind? Join the human race! When these judgments start to take up more of your time or focus on someone you thought you really loved, it’s time to choose. Do you want to continue judging, or do you want to return to loving and respecting?

Ask yourself this question: Can I let go of judging others in my relationships?

Most of us have a habit of judging others in our relationships. How do we deal with this most common habit and barrier to healthy relationships? First, we need to understand and remember that judgments are just thoughts we have focused on and made real. We judge according to our expectations, losing sight of the fact that we all have separate realities and don’t see things the same.

When we get caught up in judging someone else, we tend to lose sight of the whole person and see only the problem we have identified as theirs. We judge others for the “big” stuff, from not taking out the trash to misplacing the newspaper to being a loudmouth. In our minds they could do better or be better.

We have experienced making judgments, and hundreds of assumptions, because we didn’t take the time to ask questions about what was happening or why someone said something. We all fall prey to the habit of judging others because of how they appear, talk, or where they work or worship.

But in our families, close friendships, or partnerships, we owe those we love or hold dear a better outcome than a fast judgment and the resulting disapproval, cold shoulder, or sermon from the mount. And, why are we on the “mount” anyway? What makes us more qualified to know how others should think, live, or act than they? It’s pretty funny when you think about it. We spend more of our creative energy judging others for being who they are than working on what we can control – our own goals, skills and talents.