First of all when anyone gets caught up in what they think someone else thinks about them, there is a gut clenching or very uncomfortable feeling that may range from sadness or despair to anger. Some people go to the anger first. When this happens to us it is our first indication that something is out of kilter.

We have come to understand that our feelings are messengers. Negative feelings tell us that our thoughts about whatever is going on are negative. In other words, we are making up something negative about another person, believing it, and perhaps acting on it. Whenever we experience trauma and drama in our families or jobs, it is because we have made our thoughts into facts.

We have learned to fact check from our natural Brilliance. Then we don’t have to personalize what other people are saying or thinking about us.  This is a huge stress eliminator. This makes stress relief easy for us.

The experts say that we are designed to experience stress and react to it. Stress can be positive and intensify our awareness. If you have ever played soccer or softball or tennis or any competitive sport, you know this kind of stress is actually exhilarating and can bring out our best efforts.

However, the stress we feel from job pressures and demands is not exhilarating. The stress you experience when getting bad news about someone you love might feel like a ball of fire in your gut and a tightness that takes time to release. The stress many of us have felt in long-term bad relationships can even lead to emotional disorders because our chronic stress reactions haven’t been released or resolved.

In other words, the stress that continues unabated, that we can’t get relief from, becomes distress to our bodies. That’s the kind of stress we have to get a handle on. If we don’t, we face the consequences of anger, depression, high blood pressure, and many more health problems.

Statistics say that 60-90 percent of illness is stress-related. Would you like to avoid that statistical outcome? We have found that we can change our minds. In other words, we have to change what we are thinking to get some real freedom from long-term stress.

Let’s say you have a demanding and harsh boss who is high on criticism and low on positive acknowledgement. Over time you vacillate between being angry and complaining to others, to personalizing his/her behavior and thinking there is something really wrong with you or your abilities.

The tension, anger, anxiety and hopelessness spin around you. The job you thought was great has turned into a nightmare. And your friends and family are feeling the brunt of your unhappiness.

Can you step back and take a deep breath? Your boss is in charge of his/her behavior and his reaction is coming from his own set of beliefs and thoughts. Any number of people could have your job and be treated exactly the same way as you are being treated.

Can you change to a new thought: “I will do the best I can because I want to do my best”. “My boss doesn’t know how to handle stress and it’s not my fault”.

With new thoughts, you will experience some immediate relief in your reactions—less anger and tension. You have to be persistent in keeping your attention on these new thoughts. But changing your mind will bring more stress relief that you can imagine.

Can you stay in a poor work environment long term? That will be your decision. It’s hard in today’s workplace one may feel trapped by your need for a paycheck, health insurance or other benefits, and will put up with extremely negative conditions. You may feel uncertain as to what a next career move is and delay making a change. If the situation is intolerable, then looking for a new job could be your best plan.

Keep checking your thoughts and changing your mind whenever you are feeling stressed. If you don’t believe it will work, experiment with the little stuff that bothers you. Change your mind about how every little thing ‘should’ be and insert a new thought that is more flexible. Changing your mind works, if you work at it.