Letting Go of Anger in Relationships

Because anger is so common in relationship problems, it needs attention.  To truly master our relationships, we need to master our feelings of anger. These feelings are easily triggered because of our conditioning and anger frequently hides deeper feelings we are afraid to share. Because our anger response often is harsh, explosive, and quickly gets out of control, it is imperative that we recognize its source.

Any negative feeling is attached to a pattern of thinking and belief about ourselves or others. Anger is attached to a thought, and a thought is just a thought until we give it life. The impact on relationships from anger—explosive, seething, sulking, or hostile—is devastating. Quiet anger is no less destructive than noisy anger. Whether anger is triggered by an old belief pattern or is purposely used to control others, it is a destroyer rather than a builder of relationships.

It is possible to master our feelings of anger. Any negative feeling is telling us to check our thinking. Anger is showing us that our thought system is in control and we’re out of control. We need to know our own flash points and learn to identify our early physical symptoms if we want to stop the process and avoid angry outbursts. If you find yourself clenching your teeth, tightening your fists, or shaking, take a deep breath, relax, and check your thinking. Ask yourself: Is making this thought right worth damaging my relationship with this person? Could I share this thought or resolve this situation another way without anger?

Once you gain the ability to catch your anger before it gets away from you and to look at the thoughts that are triggering your anger response, you’ll realize that these thoughts really weren’t all that important. They didn’t reflect your values. They weren’t justified. They certainly were not worth destroying a relationship.

Anger is a kind of rejection that pushes people away and resolves nothing. When we shift from the thought patterns behind the anger to our Brilliance, we receive the gift of acceptance. We can accept that we have different viewpoints, different experiences, and different realities. We may still have problems to resolve, but through our wisdom and understanding, we can access the best solutions. We can defuse our anger and create better relationships.

Excerpted in part from Activate Your Brilliance, Back to Brilliance ©2007.

Stress Relief for Anger in Relationships

Anger is a feeling all of us have experienced. We usually blame others for “making us angry” when, in fact, the real culprit for anger is the thoughts we have inside our own heads. Yes, the behaviors that others have, the accidents that occur, the “stupid” decisions, and on and on, do have the ability get a reaction from us. But, the reaction will come forth from us? Also, we determine its frequency and intensity.

Ask yourself this question: Can I let go of anger in my relationships? Because anger is such a common stressor in relationship problems, we need to give it some attention. To truly master our relationships, we need to master our feelings of anger. Anger is easily triggered because of our family conditioning and because it appears to be the “best” expression that shows how we are feeling at the time.

Our feeling vocabulary may be limited. We may be afraid, and cover it with anger. We may be frustrated to the max and let anger take over our words. We might simply feel defeated by a voicemail system when we have tried to get an important message through to a service representative. No matter when or where our anger takes the stage, we damage relationships with unrestrained anger.

Our frustration, irritation, and distress frequently build into anger because we don’t let these feelings out until we feel safe. Too often we let anger run riot with the people closest to us, or with those with whom we can “get away with it”. Because our anger response often is harsh, explosive, and quickly gets out of control, it is imperative that we recognize its source.

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