Letting Go of Judgments

Have you noticed that communities come in many forms? A community could be as simple as going to a baseball game and rooting for the Twins instead of the Red Sox.  We feel an immediate sense of shared purpose and get caught up in the emotional ups (or downs) of our team.

A community might involve coaching Little League or soccer, or supporting the kids at a game, with your presence or by selling raffle tickets or baking cakes for a fund raiser. We actually get to know the people in this small community and feel a personal sense of belonging over the season.

What about our family community? Do you have one of “those” families where everyone is spreading the latest gossip; or do you have one of those “other” families that work to support everyone through their latest hardships or greatest accomplishments? Either type of family community allows us to really get to know each other, like it or not.

Most community members have a habit of making judgments about others, those we know well and those we don’t really know at all. It may be that we have a set of categories that people fall into. Or we see certain characteristics in others that are different from us and so we create stories about them.  Some may be “big” talkers so we identify them as pushy. Others may dress down and we assume they lack manners and social savvy.

Whenever we find ourselves having such thoughts we need to remember that our judgments speak more about us than about others. It is our perception of the world, of how things should be, that separate us from others. When we do this we miss out on all of the gifts those “others” are bringing to us. When we cannot accept others, it is a reflection of something in ourselves, something that we are not accepting, something we fear or perhaps doubt about our adequacy.

In reality, judgments are simply opportunities for us to grow. When we are making judgments there is a “distress” within that we often project onto those we judged. We can use these feelings to recognize that we have slipped into a judgmental habit. This recognition can give us pause to let go of our limiting beliefs and ideas that separate us from those around us. The easiest way to stop judging others is to stop judging ourselves. We can do this when we learn to see the natural Brilliance in ourselves, and in others.

In today’s world, it will take all of us to make it a better place, to right the wrongs, and to bring more love and healing to its problems and injustice. The more we’re able to drop our judgments, the closer we are to building a community that can thrive and bring out the best in all. In these communities we will begin to see others through new eyes and appreciate them, and ourselves, in the process.  Letting go of negative judgments allows us to build positive and sustaining communities.