We are Mirrors in Our Relationships

Mirror, mirror, on the wall; who is the fairest of them all? The old fairy tale of Snow White had a great scene. The wicked queen asked the mirror her question and didn’t like the answer she received. The queen’s ugly behavior grew out of her ugly thoughts. Our relationships often serve as a mirror for us as well. If we don’t like what we see in our relationships, we need to check the mirror of our thoughts for some answers.

Question: Can I understand how I am a “mirror” in my relationships?

If we knew we had it in our power to feel good, to feel fulfilled, to be happy and stress free, we wouldn’t ask others to change to make us happy. And we wouldn’t need to control others to make ourselves feel better. We all wish for great relationships. We all want to be loved and accepted for who we truly are.

The great comedian Flip Wilson used to say, “What you see is what you get!” What we put our attention on is what we get in our relationships.

If we look at the flaws in others, we may find that we are more often criticized. If we complain about and blame others, we may notice that others also are blaming us. In our relationships, we all serve as mirrors for one another. If we are seeing flaws, shortcomings, and problems when we look at those around us, we are seeing a reflection of our own thoughts and attitudes.

When we shift our thinking and see through our natural brilliance, through the eyes of love, we will find that new view reflected in those around us. This is the process for creating the relationships we really want. When we focus on what is working, what we love, what we admire and respect in others, that is what we’ll find in the relationships we create.

Here are a couple of experiments to help you recognize the best in others and to create great relationships.

Experiment #1: Identify one or two things you really appreciate in someone you love, and tell that person how you feel.

Experiment #2: Acknowledge someone in your life who you rarely celebrate or recognize.

To Stop Stress Stay in the Present Moment

For much of the past year we have been focused on creating both a  free “Stop Stress Now” email course and our new e-book, Stop Stress Guide: The Brilliance Formula in Action – plus the marketing tools needed to promote them. All this attention on stress has reminded us that an easy way to eliminate stress is to stay focused in the present moment.

There are tricks to mastering this process. The only real moment is this moment.  Anytime our focus shifts to the past or to the future we have left “real” time. There is a tendency when looking at the past to remember difficult times and then to project more of the same into the future. This is prescription for stress.

Around the holidays we can get caught up in our to-do list with everything we have already done and everything we have yet to accomplish. We can be at a party with family or friends and instead of enjoying the moment we get busy with our mental list, thinking, “If I do just these two things tonite before bed, then I’ll be ahead tomorrow.” At the same time we have missed the joy of shared time and conversation with people we really love.

While practicing staying focused in the now, being vigilant about keeping our attention on this moment, we have discovered many benefits.

• We stay relaxed instead of moving into urgency.
• We get to enjoy each moment for its gifts.
• We trust that each moment will bring with it the knowing of what is most important to attend to.

The more we practice being present the less we identify with the outer trappings of our lives and the more we identify with the true presence of ourselves.

During the holiday season the best present we can give ourselves is to be present to each moment.

Stress Relief for Anger in Relationships

Anger is a feeling all of us have experienced. We usually blame others for “making us angry” when, in fact, the real culprit for anger is the thoughts we have inside our own heads. Yes, the behaviors that others have, the accidents that occur, the “stupid” decisions, and on and on, do have the ability get a reaction from us. But, the reaction will come forth from us? Also, we determine its frequency and intensity.

Ask yourself this question: Can I let go of anger in my relationships? Because anger is such a common stressor in relationship problems, we need to give it some attention. To truly master our relationships, we need to master our feelings of anger. Anger is easily triggered because of our family conditioning and because it appears to be the “best” expression that shows how we are feeling at the time.

Our feeling vocabulary may be limited. We may be afraid, and cover it with anger. We may be frustrated to the max and let anger take over our words. We might simply feel defeated by a voicemail system when we have tried to get an important message through to a service representative. No matter when or where our anger takes the stage, we damage relationships with unrestrained anger.

Our frustration, irritation, and distress frequently build into anger because we don’t let these feelings out until we feel safe. Too often we let anger run riot with the people closest to us, or with those with whom we can “get away with it”. Because our anger response often is harsh, explosive, and quickly gets out of control, it is imperative that we recognize its source.

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Magnetize Your Life

Ever play with magnets when you were a kid? It was great fun, even though it became a bit monotonous over time.  Nothing was more accurate and never-fail than a magnet and some metal. The magnet was guaranteed to pull all the metal in your vicinity to you.

Now that we are adults, we get to play at the same game. Often we are playing unaware that we are pulling to us the aspects of life that we focus our thoughts on. It is quite amazing and is equal in accuracy to our childhood pastimes.

Now, what are we saying?  Take a look at your day’s high points and low points.  Jot down a few of the strongest elements of your day. Then ask yourself: “What thoughts did I pay attention to today?” and “How do these thoughts relate to the most memorable incidents of my day?”

We create the flavor of our day through our thinking as surely as a magnet will always attract metal.  Our accumulated thoughts, our Mindset, can be put to good use to create our lives.  Check everything around you – what does it look like, sound like, feel like? The quickest way to discover where your attention has been is to look around you. You have created this with the magnet of your mind.

P.S. You can always shift your focus and put your attention on what you want the most. This will surely change the picture of your life.

Negative Judgments Kill Relationships

Ever have those gnarly, negative judgments about others shooting through your mind? Join the human race! When these judgments start to take up more of your time or focus on someone you thought you really loved, it’s time to choose. Do you want to continue judging, or do you want to return to loving and respecting?

Ask yourself this question: Can I let go of judging others in my relationships?

Most of us have a habit of judging others in our relationships. How do we deal with this most common habit and barrier to healthy relationships? First, we need to understand and remember that judgments are just thoughts we have focused on and made real. We judge according to our expectations, losing sight of the fact that we all have separate realities and don’t see things the same.

When we get caught up in judging someone else, we tend to lose sight of the whole person and see only the problem we have identified as theirs. We judge others for the “big” stuff, from not taking out the trash to misplacing the newspaper to being a loudmouth. In our minds they could do better or be better.

We have experienced making judgments, and hundreds of assumptions, because we didn’t take the time to ask questions about what was happening or why someone said something. We all fall prey to the habit of judging others because of how they appear, talk, or where they work or worship.

But in our families, close friendships, or partnerships, we owe those we love or hold dear a better outcome than a fast judgment and the resulting disapproval, cold shoulder, or sermon from the mount. And, why are we on the “mount” anyway? What makes us more qualified to know how others should think, live, or act than they? It’s pretty funny when you think about it. We spend more of our creative energy judging others for being who they are than working on what we can control – our own goals, skills and talents.

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Natural Brilliance, The Balancing Act

Have you noticed that you give over some hours or days in your life to wondering WHY things are the way they are? We usually question what we did that allowed or invited the circumstance or event to show up and bother us. And we only invest hours of time musing over personal or public events that we don’t really like, situations that aren’t as we had wished them. We’ve spent a few such minutes in the past at Back to Brilliance.

This is a habit which most of us indulge in, even when our lives are very good and satisfying. Even then, we often think about what would have happened if we had done this instead of that, married this person instead of that one, or voted for one person instead of another.

We have found that accepting what is moves us out of the thinking rut. One might assume that accepting what is will put us in a low mood, feeling victimized. Perhaps it doesn’t fit with the image we have of ourselves, as the mover, the strong force, the one who keeps on keeping on.

However, it is accepting what is that gets us to the other side, without all the mind chatter. It is acceptance that gives us a quiet minute so that natural Brilliance can enter our minds and do its work to make our lives a whole lot easier.

We can see more clearly from the state of reality and make better plans to move to the place of our desires. Accepting what is allows us to save time and move into action, when possible, and into that peaceful balance. Our energy is used to create instead of crumble. When we balance acceptance and action we become powerful.

Back to Brilliance © 2008

Stop and Eliminate Stress Now, Discover Your Natural Brilliance

Stress steals our ability to live harmoniously with our family, friends and relationships. Stress can destroy happiness, joy and excitement. Back to Brilliance has the solutions to solve your stress problems. We provide a unique and proven approach to eliminate stress. Want Stress Relief? Get help and happiness today and get in touch with your Natural Brilliance.

Brilliance Builds Better Relationships

Today we begin a series of articles on the topic of relationships. In good or bad times, our relationships can act like a thermometer in our lives. From hot to cold, the measure of how our relationships are going heats or chills the rest of our lives at the same time.  Relationships are that important.

If you have relationships that include partners, spouses or children at home, know that those relationships can be a source of continuous stress or continuous support. In times of fear about jobs and finances, along with worries about relatives, friends and/or children, we all tend to “work out” our stress at home.  Everyone there starts to feel upset, distressed or worse when stress is high. This isn’t what we need to make it through the hard times.

Let’s take a look at the general adjustments and pressures in our relationships.  First of all, relationships in the home always involve communication. Sometimes our communication habits need some work in order to make decisions and coexist peacefully. When we have children there are even more people to include in the process.

When two people decide to make a home together they bring all their previous patterns with them. Behaviors that are normal to one may seem unreasonable to the other. Many of us have assumed that we will get along without looking at our individual perceptions and differences. This can lead to conflict, heartache and even more stress.

We also bring our expectations, dreams, and desires into our relationships. When things don’t go as we expect them to we react out of surprise, hurt, or disappointment. These feelings are telling us that we are reacting from our old patterns of thinking. Until we’ve learned to shift from what we thought would be, to our Brilliance, we will be immersed in stress.

We can remove the stress from poor communication and learn to accept and/or negotiate our partner’s “crazy” patterns when we communicate from our Brilliance. We can turn hurt and disappointment into commitment and adventure when we see the Brilliance in others and work to share a life that honors “the others” in our relationships, without demanding shared viewpoints, goals and dreams.

Most of our relationship problems come from our conditioned thinking. Once we have learned to follow our natural Brilliance we can avoid the potholes and have a smoother, more loving journey for ourselves and our families.

If you want to learn more about how Brilliance can make good relationships better, and then turn better into best, access more of our articles on Brilliance to get a bigger picture. We will be sharing our views on “judging others” and “anger” in two articles coming soon.  Stay tuned.